WHEW!
I swore that I would never – and I do mean NEVER –
get into blogging again. I guess that was rather disingenuous of me considering
that writing has always been one of my favorite creative forms of release second
to music. Not to mention, I was a whole writing tutor in college and took
advanced English and writing classes as a freshman at UNT, etc. etc. Long story
incredibly short, I needed to find my voice again. The blog that I had for many
years was a combination of many voices and reeked of toxic religiosity and
token Christianity. For some odd reason, a good number of you were subscribed
to it and I am so thankful for that.
This blog, if I may even call it that because who knows if I
will go beyond this rare inspirational post, is not going to copy Heather
Lindsey’s voice or tone as my last one so blatantly did – with a few dashes of
Daphne. This will be MINE and MINE alone.
Now that that’s out of the way, I would like to get into what
inspired this post in the first place…
I found myself recently feeling envious of recent high
school graduates that are now incoming college freshmen. I know that’s not the
sentence you were expecting from a twenty-nine-year-old practicing attorney,
but just keep reading. It was not envy in the sense of that I wanted to go back
to school or anything, because I do NOT miss having to go to class, doing homework
assignments, eating often questionable dormitory cafeteria food, LIVING in
a dormitory, or any of the other nostalgic unpleasantries that the new college
freshman have to look forward to. Rather, it was the feeling that those kids, honestly
a feeling most young kids have in general, of feeling like they can do and be
anything that they want to be without limitation. They are starting
their journey, they get to pick from a plethora of things, they get to make
mistakes and still have plenty of time to make up for it, and they get the
freedom to feel that they can do and be whatever they want. If you don’t like a
major? No big deal, just go to so-and-so’s office and change it, take the
classes you need, then boom it’s yours. Simple. Easy. Effortless.
I guess now at twenty-nine, I did not feel that way. Even
though I am still no one’s definition of “old,” I still felt as though I was “too
old” to feel that way. I began caring about logic and stability over imagination
and possibility. My job, even if I don’t like it, is sure to give me a
check that I need to pay bills and for other necessities and luxuries. I can’t
just up and decide to quit it one day even though I consider it almost every
single minute of every single day, truthfully. And even still, I would have
to have another one lined up immediately so that the bills and necessities
can be paid for. I can’t just change areas of law so easily or careers because
people want “experience of 10+ years” and/or some certification that separates you
from the pack blah blah blah……Actual adulthood stuff.
I felt STUCK. I feel STUCK.
And it was not until this morning after my daily meditation that
I realized that I am the only reason that I feel stuck. It isn’t my
circumstances, as glaring as they are, that are keeping me in a state of
feeling stuck. Rather, it was simply because I could not see that no matter
where one is in life, there is an opportunity to imagine different
possibilities for oneself. One doesn’t have to be a new college freshman to
experience this feeling. I still have things to look forward to and create even
in this new season of life, and even better… I CAN DO IT WITHOUT BEING A BROKE
COLLEGE STUDENT!
Point is, I can still imagine the best life for myself and make my dreams come true. I can dream new dreams and make those come to fruition as well. The only thing stopping me, is me. If I want to change careers, I can do it easily and effortlessly. If I want to take up new hobbies, learn new languages, travel to new places, etc., these are all things that can still be done now. I am still young, I am still a young attorney, I am still ALIVE. And as long as I am alive, I should not give in to the idea of any perceived limitations.
So cheers to unapologetically living the blissful life that we actually want and not what we feel we have to live.
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